LAGOS is definitely an exciting place,” said this charming lady I recently sat next to at a birthday bash. “My husband has just been transferred to Lagos from the Abeokuta branch of his office and I dreaded the things that could happen to my social life in Lagos...
I needn’t have worried,” she said enthusiastically.
“Before now, outings in our town house had been strictly for couples. Single girls seldom show up at social functions alone and whenever we had tiffs, my husband would rather dig his feet in the living room rug than take me to a function that I had spent weeks planning and looking forward to as a sort of punishment. “It, therefore, came as a breath of fresh air when we moved back to Lagos and discovered that not only did ladies saunter in and out of heavy parties in each other’s company, they always out-numbered and outsprayed the men and stayed as late as they wished without worrying their pretty heads about how their husbands felt. For all you know, such ‘husbands’ are either non-existent or are out with other interesting ‘discoveries’. No matter what criticisms you have against this type of freedom, it is still good for the female psyche. You go out to let off steam and not necessarily to be mischievous as most men want to believe.” “The fun of going out on your own or with your friends is to flirt with the opposite sex when the opportunity arises”, declared Gladys, a business woman who’s been married for years but prefers to go out alone. She assured our JJC friend to the Lagos Social circuit that the best was yet to be. That though she goes out alone, but when it is a family affair, her better half rears his useful head. “My family is comfortable” she continued, “so food and booze are never the consideration when I go out. My friends enjoy healthy gossip and we revel in that. Also, we meet a lot of interesting men who have successfully jettisoned their wives or partners and we all get together to ‘rap’. The men say a lot of rubbish they dare not repeat in the presence of their wives and we tease them endlessly on how relaxed they are away from their matrimonial shackles. ‘My husband wouldn’t even think of me talking in such a brazen way. I’m always on my best behaviour when he is around and this could be quite a yawn. What man in his right senses would flirt with a lady who has a scowling partner, what we girls refer to as an ADC, by his side when there are other intelligent, attractive and fancy-free women to talk to? And you never know who you run into. Most of the business cards we get are promptly thrown out of the car windows on the way home or conveniently left at the party. The few interesting ones you tuck into a corner that only you have access to. Who knows what could develop from such cards? “Such ADC less outings could go awfully wrong at times though. At a retirement party sometimes ago, a socialite and multi-millionaire came in and saw this lady radiating charm, elegance and rare beauty. He was knocked for six. He arranged to be seated near his object of fancy. The gods were on his side too – power failure had just done its stuff and Sir Galahad sat, looking at the girl, enthralled. Once in a while, as he whispered sweet nothings to her, he mopped sweat from her lovely face. He even hijacked another lady’s hand-fan for the lucky girl’s benefit. What a good diversion from the unease the power failure had caused! Most eyes were on the couple, wondering where all these would lead to. A few hours into the party, the seemingly love birds were still going at it as if they were on stage. Then this sprawling man came in, looking a bit lost. “May I help you?” asked the celebrant. “Yes,” boomed the man for all to hear. I”ve come to collect my wife”. Of course, the wife heard the determined ring in her husband’s voice and shot out from her seat. You guessed right – it was “Juliet’, the man had come for. Romeo’s face was comical as he watched his jewel being whisked away by her rightful owner. For a moment, you could hear a pin drop. Then some of the men who’d been green with envy, started crackling and sniggering, their wives became a bit more relaxed and slightly sympathetic towards the poor Romeo who didn’t know where to put his face. “What a fortunate man’ he grudgingly admitted, “in my days, no man walked away with a lady I was talking to, be he her husband or father!”. One thing you don’t assume, when you run into unaccompanied women at parties is that they live alone. This was a lesson Larry, an older member of the bench learnt to his chagrin. He totally sympathised with lover-boy as he too recently experienced a shock with a lady he took home. “She never gave me the impression that she was a third ‘wife’ living on the largesse of her “husband’ when I met her at a cocktail party.” He said of his recent experience from his latest “find’. “When she told me she didn’t have transport, I almost did a happy jig. Naturally, I offered her a lift and saw her to her door. Unfortunately, her “husband’ had already let himself in. He was livid when he saw me and because I was a bit tipsy, my reflexes were not as sharp as they used to be. Before I could gather my wits about me, he pounced on me and was really pummelling me. ‘By the time I’m through with you’, he threatened, you will never go after another man’s wife again’. The blows continued to fall. ‘Hey, man you’ve got it all wrong’, I yelled. I had no choice but to defend myself. “Minutes later, when I staggered downstairs, my driver who was already relaxed expecting a long wait, took one look at my tattered agbada and hurriedly started the car without saying a word. You win some and you lose some, but no man wants to be surprised! If we’d had one or two outings, the bashing I got that night might be worth the bother! But to have to go through that baptism of fire for committing no offence really, rankled!” How To Nail The Five-Year Itch The seven-year itch used to be the time when you should start noticing the rut in your marriage and by to revamp it. The period has now been reduced to five years. According to one multi-university study, unhappy married couples who stuck it out and worked through their problems reported being happier five years after a rough patch than couples who threw in the towel. Here are tips to help you stay the .-course. “ Embrace Change: Over time you and your spouse will each evolve. Acceptability that change is inevitable makes it easier to be flexible and help you to focus on big picture bonding points like building a strong family. Expect that there will be hard times: Many couples think “if we were right for each other, it wouldn’t be this difficult”. But that isn’t accurate. Love temporary cools. Marriage is like the stock market. Troughs and normal, and it is usually best to ride them out. Fight Right: It’s not what you argue about but how you argue it. Avoiding name calling (it is disrespectful); put compromises ahead of the need to be right (harmony out-ranks “winning”); be quick to forgive – and quicker to say, “I apologise”. Remind yourself why you married him: Remember how your pulse raced the first time he kissed you? Calling up positive memories like that during less-than blissful moments can be an effective attitude adjuster.
I needn’t have worried,” she said enthusiastically.
“Before now, outings in our town house had been strictly for couples. Single girls seldom show up at social functions alone and whenever we had tiffs, my husband would rather dig his feet in the living room rug than take me to a function that I had spent weeks planning and looking forward to as a sort of punishment. “It, therefore, came as a breath of fresh air when we moved back to Lagos and discovered that not only did ladies saunter in and out of heavy parties in each other’s company, they always out-numbered and outsprayed the men and stayed as late as they wished without worrying their pretty heads about how their husbands felt. For all you know, such ‘husbands’ are either non-existent or are out with other interesting ‘discoveries’. No matter what criticisms you have against this type of freedom, it is still good for the female psyche. You go out to let off steam and not necessarily to be mischievous as most men want to believe.” “The fun of going out on your own or with your friends is to flirt with the opposite sex when the opportunity arises”, declared Gladys, a business woman who’s been married for years but prefers to go out alone. She assured our JJC friend to the Lagos Social circuit that the best was yet to be. That though she goes out alone, but when it is a family affair, her better half rears his useful head. “My family is comfortable” she continued, “so food and booze are never the consideration when I go out. My friends enjoy healthy gossip and we revel in that. Also, we meet a lot of interesting men who have successfully jettisoned their wives or partners and we all get together to ‘rap’. The men say a lot of rubbish they dare not repeat in the presence of their wives and we tease them endlessly on how relaxed they are away from their matrimonial shackles. ‘My husband wouldn’t even think of me talking in such a brazen way. I’m always on my best behaviour when he is around and this could be quite a yawn. What man in his right senses would flirt with a lady who has a scowling partner, what we girls refer to as an ADC, by his side when there are other intelligent, attractive and fancy-free women to talk to? And you never know who you run into. Most of the business cards we get are promptly thrown out of the car windows on the way home or conveniently left at the party. The few interesting ones you tuck into a corner that only you have access to. Who knows what could develop from such cards? “Such ADC less outings could go awfully wrong at times though. At a retirement party sometimes ago, a socialite and multi-millionaire came in and saw this lady radiating charm, elegance and rare beauty. He was knocked for six. He arranged to be seated near his object of fancy. The gods were on his side too – power failure had just done its stuff and Sir Galahad sat, looking at the girl, enthralled. Once in a while, as he whispered sweet nothings to her, he mopped sweat from her lovely face. He even hijacked another lady’s hand-fan for the lucky girl’s benefit. What a good diversion from the unease the power failure had caused! Most eyes were on the couple, wondering where all these would lead to. A few hours into the party, the seemingly love birds were still going at it as if they were on stage. Then this sprawling man came in, looking a bit lost. “May I help you?” asked the celebrant. “Yes,” boomed the man for all to hear. I”ve come to collect my wife”. Of course, the wife heard the determined ring in her husband’s voice and shot out from her seat. You guessed right – it was “Juliet’, the man had come for. Romeo’s face was comical as he watched his jewel being whisked away by her rightful owner. For a moment, you could hear a pin drop. Then some of the men who’d been green with envy, started crackling and sniggering, their wives became a bit more relaxed and slightly sympathetic towards the poor Romeo who didn’t know where to put his face. “What a fortunate man’ he grudgingly admitted, “in my days, no man walked away with a lady I was talking to, be he her husband or father!”. One thing you don’t assume, when you run into unaccompanied women at parties is that they live alone. This was a lesson Larry, an older member of the bench learnt to his chagrin. He totally sympathised with lover-boy as he too recently experienced a shock with a lady he took home. “She never gave me the impression that she was a third ‘wife’ living on the largesse of her “husband’ when I met her at a cocktail party.” He said of his recent experience from his latest “find’. “When she told me she didn’t have transport, I almost did a happy jig. Naturally, I offered her a lift and saw her to her door. Unfortunately, her “husband’ had already let himself in. He was livid when he saw me and because I was a bit tipsy, my reflexes were not as sharp as they used to be. Before I could gather my wits about me, he pounced on me and was really pummelling me. ‘By the time I’m through with you’, he threatened, you will never go after another man’s wife again’. The blows continued to fall. ‘Hey, man you’ve got it all wrong’, I yelled. I had no choice but to defend myself. “Minutes later, when I staggered downstairs, my driver who was already relaxed expecting a long wait, took one look at my tattered agbada and hurriedly started the car without saying a word. You win some and you lose some, but no man wants to be surprised! If we’d had one or two outings, the bashing I got that night might be worth the bother! But to have to go through that baptism of fire for committing no offence really, rankled!” How To Nail The Five-Year Itch The seven-year itch used to be the time when you should start noticing the rut in your marriage and by to revamp it. The period has now been reduced to five years. According to one multi-university study, unhappy married couples who stuck it out and worked through their problems reported being happier five years after a rough patch than couples who threw in the towel. Here are tips to help you stay the .-course. “ Embrace Change: Over time you and your spouse will each evolve. Acceptability that change is inevitable makes it easier to be flexible and help you to focus on big picture bonding points like building a strong family. Expect that there will be hard times: Many couples think “if we were right for each other, it wouldn’t be this difficult”. But that isn’t accurate. Love temporary cools. Marriage is like the stock market. Troughs and normal, and it is usually best to ride them out. Fight Right: It’s not what you argue about but how you argue it. Avoiding name calling (it is disrespectful); put compromises ahead of the need to be right (harmony out-ranks “winning”); be quick to forgive – and quicker to say, “I apologise”. Remind yourself why you married him: Remember how your pulse raced the first time he kissed you? Calling up positive memories like that during less-than blissful moments can be an effective attitude adjuster.
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